By Brendan McTaggart

For likes?  Popularity?  For the love of the game?  For fun?  Or maybe it’s all for a laugh?

It’s a question I asked a team I coached last year to get them thinking on what they wanted from themselves for the season ahead and it’s something that I’ve been thinking on again in recent times.

What’s my why?  What makes me tick when it comes to attending games, taking photographs, doing interviews or previews.

Out of the list above, it’s more the latter but I’ll add for more therapeutic reasons than anything.  I enjoy the laughs and friendships that are made in the journey of a chaotic season.  But as the season unravels in recent times, I’ve become deeply invested in whatever team I’ve been following.  While that may have been my own club in recent times, the same could be said of following Antrim.

This is where the therapy comes in.

How you deal with disappointment can make or break some people.  Some find their answer in the arms of their family, some at the bottom of a bottle while some get back in the race at the next opportunity.  My family are always hugely supportive of anything I do, but for me I get ‘peace of mind’ when I write or take and edit photographs.

It’s not for recognition or accolades.  My ‘why’ comes from a mix of a love for our games, an enjoyment at still being involved in the GAA in some small way and to help me deal with inner demons.

Last year I had to take some time off work to deal with some mental health issues.  I needn’t bother saying I’m out on the other side of that, I still have some dark days but thankfully those are the exception and not the rule.  Everyone’s way of dealing with those days are different.  I’ve found my way.  My children, my family, sitting foundered at the side of a pitch with a long lens and notebook.  This is my why.

Accolades are nice and any recognition gives you a boost.  Either would have me completely affronted, a bit like a Facebook post a year or so ago from Lavey club that initially I thought was a wind up but when I read on, my face got redder and redder.   A small but meaningful post that went a long way. 

We are coming towards the end of the ‘thank you’ season as I like to call it.  When clubs get everyone together for their annual dinner dance and recognise their recent past achievements.  I’ve attended a couple and when neither recognition nor name comes your way amongst a plethora of thank you’s and ovations, you begin to question yourself.  You wonder why.  You begin to question your why.  Why not me as well?

Why would I go through it all again?  Why would I put in the time and effort that comes with covering games, may it be previews, photos or reports?  It hurts the confidence a little, well, more than a little and leaves a scar.  It’s hard to shake.

I questioned whether I should continue.  If truth be told more than a few have asked the same question of me.  Why do I continue?  I always said, like the advertisement for gambling; when the fun stops, stop.  When I stop enjoying what I’m doing then I’ll call it a day.  That being said, there’s been plenty telling me to keep ‘er lit.  But that kinda just added to the question of why.

I enjoy the matches, the craic, the photographs, even writing the odd song and finding the ‘willing’ volunteers to get involved is good craic.  It might seem like I’ve lost the run of myself to others but we all have our own way of going mad. 

Why?  While the scar remains, I found my why again on Saturday.  Antrim and Kilkenny in Corrigan Park.  Meeting good people again, having laughs with friends and family.  The banter with the good people at Naomh Eoin, the catching up with people I hadn’t seen in a while and the rush of watching Antrim playing against a team like Kilkenny.

The banter with the Kilkenny supporters who made the long journey to Corrigan Park and the chats with some of the backroom team of Derek Lyng.  The gentleman who reached me a sliotar to give to one of my daughters who was at the game with me and my aul fella, a small gesture but we shared some words and looked forward to hopefully a better day weather wise when Kilkenny come up to Corrigan again for the Leinster Championship.  Brief chats with the players involved and not involved.  Seeing children trying to get a glimpse of their heroes as they walk off the pitch and those lucky enough to grab a photo.  The hope of another season and the year ahead, how will it unfold. 

People will try to say it’s just a game, for some it’s more than that.  I think I’ve now accepted that I fall into that category.  GAA has helped me more than I have realised in the past 12 months and it’s only over the last week or so that I’ve realised it.  Is it a healthy obsession?  The jury is still out on that one.  But for now, 2023 is underway.  Let the games commence.